Separation of Doom
by UltimateKawaiiGirl
Summary: When Gir takes control of the Voot and lands Zim and himself on another planet, Zim trades Gir for a functioning SIR unit. The inhabitants of the planet try to train Gir to serve them. Will they succeed? And now that Zim has what he wants- an obedient robot- will he be happy? Sorry if I'm bad with summaries.
1. Chapter 1

"Let's do the monkey dance!" Gir said. He began to flail wildly.

"Gir! This is important. No dancing!" Zim commanded.

Gir's antenna flopped down.

Zim frowned. "Five minutes."

Gir squealed happily and flailed even more wildly than before. It was over far too soon.

"Stop messing around, Gir. It's time to go."

"Waffles!"

"Waffles? The greatest conquest in Irken history is about to take place and all you can think about is _WAFFLES?"_

"No, I think about a moose too," Gir said.

Zim stared at him.

"It's a reaallly big moose."

"You have a strange mind."

"I knows it!"

Gir trotted after Zim, following him into the Voot cruiser.

"I wanna drive!" he said once they had taken off.

"No," Zim said.

"I wanna _drive!_" Gir repeated. Before Zim could respond, he grabbed the wheel. "Wheeeee hoooooo!"

Zim grabbed for it. "Bad Gir! You don't know where you're going!"

Gir paid no attention. He continued to steer the ship in random directions. They crashed through the wall of the house and started spinning above the streets.

Zim once again tried to reclaim the controls, but Gir giddily threw a rubber moose at his head, thwarting his efforts somehow, and ran the ship into a tree.

"You'll blow our cover!" he shouted desperately.

Gir just giggled. "This is fun!"

On the ground, the neighbors were sitting on lawn chairs and staring stupidly at the sky.

"Well, wouldja lookit that!" the chubby woman said when she spotted the small purple spaceship. Her husband grunted. And that was all they did.

Some three days later, with Gir singing gleeful songs about gummy bears and Zim shouting angrily, they landed.

"Finally we stop! What kind of evil minion are you?" Zim said.

"Tacos!" was Gir's answer.

They got out of the ship and found themselves on an unfamiliar planet.

"Giiiiir? Where did you take us?"

"I dunno! Here!" Gir sat down and began to build a sandcastle out of the odd purple dust covering the ground. Suddenly, a crowd of life-forms resembling giant lollipops, all dressed in serious-looking uniforms, surrounded them.

"Stop, intruders!" one of them said. "Who dares infest our planet Angullor?"

Zim picked up Gir and shoved him at the lollipop guard. "It's his fault!"

"Hi!" Gir said to the lollipop person, oblivious to the situation.

"Who are you?"

Zim checked an imaginary watch. "Oh, look at the time, I have... uh... that very important... thing to go to. Looks like he's your responsibility now." He rushed to the ship.

The lollipop man, who was wearing a name tag that said 'Roger', stopped Zim before he could get in.

"I really need to get to this, uh, meeting-" Zim started.

"The Angullorons are a fair people. I will let you go- _if _we can make a trade. I will take your robot if you take this," Roger said.

"If I take what?" Zim demanded.

"THRANTOR! Bring the robot!"

Another Angulloron rushed up, dragging a red-eyed robot about Gir's size.

Zim's eyes widened in excitement. "It's a real SIR unit!"

"We found it here about a week ago. We were going to train it to serve us, but-"

The SIR broke from Thrantor's grasp, looking angry.

"You are not my master!"

"Yeah. That. Yours seems less... resistant," Roger said.

"Yes! Yes, yes, YES! I AM ZIM!" Zim shouted.

"So you'll take it?"

Zim snatched the SIR away and got into the Voot cruiser.

"Where you goin'?" Gir asked Zim as he was leaving. "Bring me back a milkshake?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Get... off me!" Roger struggled. It had been five minutes since Zim left and Gir, thinking he was a real lollipop, had leaped onto Roger's head and started relentlessly licking his face.

He finally pulled Gir off of his head and set him down.

"Please don't do that."

Gir suddenly burst into tears as he remembered something. "My piggy! My piggy's back at hooome!"

"Your piggy?"

"I gotta go get my piggy now. Bye bye!"

"You can't _leave_."

Gir threw himself on the ground. "Piggy!"

"Stop crying. You belong to us now. Do you understand?"

"I miss you, piggy!" Gir sobbed.

"Uh- we have _many _piggies. _Thousands _of piggies. And they will all be yours if you do what I say."

Gir sprang up. "And some ice cream too?"

"Yeah, sure. Ice cream too."

Gir started to dance happily. "Ice creeeam and pig pig piggies!"

"But first, you have to learn how to serve us, how to take orders. You... don't seem to be too good at that now. We'll start simple. Run five feet, then come back to me."

"We don't carry those. How 'bout a burger?" Gir said.

"Not that kind of taking orders!"

"Oh. It's a taco place then?"

Roger smacked himself in the forehead. "I mean _following _orders- doing what I say! Not working at a fast food place! Do you understand now?"

Gir shook his head.

"This is going to be harder than I thought."

Meanwhile, Zim and the SIR had just arrived at the base.

"Now, new minion, fetch me a snack."

"Yes, my master!" The SIR was back in a fraction of a second with a bag of chips- chips from Irk, of course. Zim would accept no filthy Earth food.

"It's so nice having someone who listens to me for a change."

"Yes, master. I obey your wishes always."

Zim looked triumphant. "Finally, I can destroy this planet with a useful robot at my side! No longer will that annoying little Gir hinder my efforts with his insanity! NO LONGER! Finally, an evil sidekick worthy of ZIM!"

* * *

A week later, Roger and the others had still not succeeded in making Gir serve them. Gir, however, was thoroughly enjoying the snacks and toys the Angullorons gave him in increasingly desperate bribes to make him obey, although he did think of Zim once in a while, wondering why his master had left him, and whether the SIR was playing with his piggy. But Zim had never given him moose rides, or a swimming pool filled with taquitos, right? Right?


	3. Chapter 3

"Am I not BRILLIANT?" Zim said after he finished explaining his latest plan to the SIR. He handed him the globe of Earth covered in peanut butter he had been using to demonstrate. "Put this somewhere. I will be needing it later."

"Yes, my master!" The SIR rushed off and quickly returned, empty-handed.

"Now, put this-" Zim thrust an odd purple rabbit figurine at him- "in front of the Dib human's house. Be sure it faces that telephone pole."

The SIR took the rabbit unquestioningly and started to hurry off.

"WAIT!" Zim shouted.

He stopped. "Yes?"

"You're not supposed to do that!" he thundered.

"Do you wish me to do something else? State your desires and I will obey."

"No, no, no! You're not supposed to do what I say!"

"I do not understand."

"You're supposed to either mess it up somehow, or just start playing around and talking about some disgusting Earth food! You're not doing it right!"

The SIR looked puzzled. He attempted a slow and rather emotionless dance and said unsurely, "Sandwich."

"What have you done with Gir?"

"No data found for 'Gir'. Did you perhaps mean 'girl', 'girdle', 'SIR', or 'Grrr', an informal angry sound?"

At that, Zim snapped. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT GIRLS OR GIRDLES OR SIRS OR ANGRY NOISES! I'M TALKING ABOUT _GIR_!"

"No data found for 'Gir.'"

"Gir! G-I-R! He's a little robot your size, he's teal, and crazy, and- I left him on that lollipop planet!"

"I sense you are dissatisfied with me. I sense you miss this 'Gir.'"

"Miss him? Why would I miss him? I never liked him in the first place! He was useless! Useless!"

"I sense you do not speak your true feelings."

"Do you call Zim a liar?"

"No, master, no," the SIR said, panicking.

"All right then. Go and do something else. I need to work on the plan alone."

* * *

"Hey! Hi! I'm out of lettuce!" Gir shouted. Roger came over to find Gir standing in front of the taco bar they had provided him with.

Roger sighed. "You know, I feel like I'm serving you instead of the other way around."

"Hmmm," Gir replied, not understanding. "Can I have more lettuce?"

"No."

"But I need lettuce for my taco!"

"You've had 36 tacos in the past hour! How are you still hungry? And you're so... little. How do all those tacos even fit in you?"

Gir shrugged. "Lettuce."

"Not now. Not until you do something useful. I've given you all this-" he gestured towards a big teal house surrounded by several pigs, a monkey, and a large moose- "in hopes that you'd do something in return, but I should be rewarding you afterwards. We didn't trade for you just so you could play."

Gir stared at him, still not understanding.

"Now, it's three-thirty. King Tharglosh always needs three shminky pies at four o'clock. For five years that has been my job. But now, it's yours. Go make three shminky pies and bring them to the king. Then, you can have more lettuce."

Gir ran off and soon returned with five kites of various colors.

"Those are kites."

"Uh-huh!" Gir smiled.

"We need three shminky pies."

"Oh yeeeah." Gir rushed off again, this time returning with three triangular magnets, all of which said 'Welcome to Angullor' on them.

"Okay, well, you got the number right this time, but those are magnets. And- oh, get them off your face!"

Gir pulled at a magnet. "It's stuck."

Annoyed, Roger picked Gir up and took the magnets off, tossing them away. "Do you know how to make a shminky pie?"

Gir shook his head. "But I make real good waffles!"

"Okay, fine. I'll make the first one, to show you. But you make the other two, and from then on, it's up to you. Got it?"

"Okaay!"

"To the kitchen, okay?"

Gir went inside the house. "Come on!"

They walked through a room filled entirely with various rubber animals, mainly pigs, then through another with biscuits up to the ceiling.

"Okay, Gir, you start with a crunchy trinvee-grain pie crust," said Roger, explaining as he made the pie. "Then you just fill it with shminkies- these berries here- and bake it at 350. Simple. You can bake this one with the others."

Roger left then, and Gir did a surprisingly good job making the pies. A few minutes later, Roger returned to check up on him. Gir was sitting on the floor, giggling, with a plastic zebra on top of his head. The three pies were sitting on the counter, unbaked.

"Why haven't you baked them yet?" Roger demanded.

"It's..." Gir closed his eyes for a moment- "Three- forty- six."

"Yes. It takes about ten minutes to get to the palace from here! Why aren't they baked?"

"You said to bake 'em at 3:50."

Roger almost screamed in frustration, but controlled himself. He grabbed the pies and stuck them in the oven.

"350 _degrees!_" he said. "We're going to be late. The king will not be pleased."

"Yay!" Gir exclaimed.

"That's bad."

"Aw."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ruler of All Sporks, thanks for being my first reviewer! I was so excited to hear someone was wanting more of my story! HyperSpooches58: Aww, thanks! I'm glad you like it! Sorry about the chapters being short, though. I think this one may be a little shorter, actually, but oh well, more is coming soon. Anyway, here comes… *DUN DA DA DAAAAAA!* Chapter 4!

* * *

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Zim wasn't doing too well himself. The SIR tried hard to fulfill Zim's needs, but was distraught to find he could not make his master happy. The truth was, however Zim refused to admit it, Zim missed Gir. Even at skool, people could tell something was off with him.

"I'm telling you, Gaz, Zim's been way too quiet!" Dib said at lunch.

"Whatever," his sister replied, not taking her eyes off her Game Slave.

"He's probably planning something. Something… awful." Dib climbed onto the lunch table and took a heroic pose. "He must be stopped!"

Gaz ignored him.

Dib got off the table and snatched the game from Gaz's hands. "Don't you care that Zim's trying to destroy humanity?"

Gaz turned to her brother, her eyes filled with rage. "I was about to beat the last level. The LAST LEVEL, Dib."

"There are more important things than that game, Gaz! Won't you help me figure out what's going on?"

"I can't. I have to replay the level you made me lose."

"After skool, then."

"Then I'll be busy making you experience pain like you've never known before."

"Fine then. I guess it's all up to me… again." Dib adjusted his glasses. "Dib, sole savior of the human race… I will stop him!" On that note, he set Gaz's Game Slave down and ran off to question Zim.

Gaz sighed at her older brother's usual hero act, picked up her Game Slave, and restarted the level.

* * *

"Zim!" The voice of that giant-headed Dib human interrupted Zim's pretending to eat.

"Hello, fellow filthy meat sack. As you can see, I am a normal Earth child, eating my normal, disgusting Earth lunch."

"I know you're planning something, Zim," Dib said.

"Ah, yes, I am planning… a surprise party!" Zim replied, thinking quickly.

"Oh yeah? For who?" Dib asked knowingly.

"For my, uh… dog, of course! Yes, my dog!"

Zim thought of the green dog suit that Gir often wore. "Ah, Gir… with your little disguise and your random shouts of nonsense…" He quickly shook his head. "I mean, your… fur and random… barking! Because my dog, like any human dog, does not speak, and is most certainly not on another planet!"

Dib looked confused for a moment. "Wait, Gir's on another planet? Is he back on your home planet? Is he fetching your leaders? Tell me, Zim! And if you don't, I have ways of finding out!"

Zim stood up on the table. "I AM NORMAL!" he shouted.

"YOU'RE AN ALIEN!" Dib shouted in frustration.

"No he's not! His dog doesn't speak!" Zita said in an exasperated tone from another table.

Dib sighed. "This isn't over, Zim. I _will _find out what you're up to. I will!"

"Crazy," someone muttered. A murmur of agreement passed through the cafeteria.

Dib began to walk back to his table. "I have to figure out what he's planning," he said out loud to himself. "I could sneak into his base… but he'd be there… unless… I do it while he's gone! But when do I know he'll be gone? Well, there's always when he's at skool, but… That's it!" He smiled at his plan, then slid into his seat next to his sister. He'd put his plan into action after lunch.


End file.
